About a year ago, I wouldn’t have pictured myself where I am now. As I’ve mentioned before, I suffer from social anxiety and depression, hence I tend to be a little detached from the world around me.
About 3 months ago, I started University and despite being somewhat accoustomed to the new environment and the massive change, I still get anxious, more often than not, and that’s perfectly normal for people like me. I started Uni with a negative outlook, seeing as I was – still am – indecisive on which path I wished to take. Apart from that, I had an irrational fear of not “fitting in” with everyone there, which promted me to make an awful assumption about not being able to make any friends. For a few weeks, I woke up and felt very reluctant about heading to class, because I couldn’t handle the wave of anxiety that would hit me as soon as I get in my car. Desperate to rid myself of this illness, I made a rash, but bold, decision to join the student body club, in hopes that the club would magically turn me into a “social butterfly”. I went for the interview and somehow managed to keep my anxiety in check throughout the whole interview. Once I was done with the interview, I was well and truly proud of myself, for I had accomplished something I never thought I could. It wasn’t until I found out I had gotten accepted and my friend hadn’t, that my anxiety began to consume me once more. I instantly wanted to quit the club, in spite of the rousing speech my friend had given me. I didn’t think I could handle being in an extroverted club anymore, with the way I am. I had to attend meeting after meeting and every single time, I would either try to get slightly tipsy to soothe my anxious mind, or think of an excuse to leave early. For about a month or two, I was constantly pushed past my boundaries and I was starting to break. It manifested in signs of self-harming, and although I didn’t do any real damage to myself, it was enough to have left multiple scars on my arm.
Remarkably, I managed to pull myself back together in time for the next semester. It’s the first week of my second semester and I’ve been feeling quite amazing. I’ve been pushing myself to be more sociable and it tears me apart sometimes, but it’s worth it in the end, for now I have quite a number of friends and a somewhat better confidence level.
Yes, pushing yourself past your boundaries can be a daunting thing to do, but it’s rewarding. If I survived, you can as well. Make a bold move, test your boundaries and strive to be the person you want to be.